Heartbreak

The love of my life, my daughter,  has been hurt  by me once again by me!.  I am wondering whether or not I am just so selfish or what?  She has found out that I am a trans gender woman and that is totally disgusting for her.  She says that she is not going to talk to me until I stop with this lifestyle and that it isn't right for my granddaughter to call a trans gender Papa. She doesn't realize that I  
can't just turn it off and on and that I've lived with this painful realization for many years tying to deny who and what I am.  Truth is I would probably look at myself with disdain and disgust wondering how I could do this to my only daughter if I were in the right gender.  But I'm not. So am I selfish? I sometimes wish that I was never born.